A Fast Pace or a Steady Race?

One month into my seminary studies, I've found one particular issue weighing on my conscience more heavily than any other: Am I really doing all that I can for God?

You see, when you factor in the demands on a seminarian's time (communal prayer and Mass, class, specific times for meals, formation, spiritual direction, service in the community) and then add in things like exercise, personal prayer time, reading, homework, etc., the amount of time in the day just doesn't seem like it's enough. I know that time-management issues aren't exclusive to those seeking to marry the Church; as a matter of fact, I had quite the busy routine in my college career as well and I've seen many others struggle with the same issues. However, in an honest attempt to make myself the best version of 'me' possible, I'm trying to make the right decisions regarding what I am doing with my every moment. As I evaluate the last month here at Mundelein, I can't help but ask myself: Am I falling into the routines that are truly going to conform me to Christ? Am I really too busy or tired to [insert activity], or am I just making excuses for myself?

It seems almost impossible to do it all, but am I doing enough?

More often than not, I go to bed wishing I could have gotten around to just one or two more things in my day; I'd stay up to accomplish them, but losing sleep only makes the following day's work suffer. The heart of the issue is whether to bear these 'shortcomings' with patience or to drive myself to further discipline. The line must surely be walked with caution; to push myself too hard would end just as poorly as to continue my life making excuses to God.

In the end, the questions go unanswered. I only thank God for the wonderful support system that I have found here in the past month. The staff is excellent (I wish I could even begin to describe how truly amazing the faculty here is both intellectually and personally) and the community with my brother seminarians is incredible.

God, grant me the grace to know your will in my daily activities.

St. Charles Borromeo, patron saint of seminarians, pray for us!

A Little Time in Silence

After moving to Mundelein on August 20th, new seminarians began a nearly week-long orientation process. After having been sufficiently oriented, we were blessed with the opportunity to participate in a silent retreat. And yes, despite the fact that I talk more than is considered healthy for one individual, I did still consider this a blessing. Honestly, how many times does one get to put aside all the distractions of life (read: cell phone, facebook/email, television, etc.) to concentrate solely on spending time in prayer and building up a relationship with God?

I took the week very seriously. There was no collection of cell phones or turning off of the internet; I suppose if one wanted to 'cheat,' it would have been very easy to do so. But I was determined to give all of what I could to the silence--to let God speak to me in whatever ways He had planned.

And speak to me He did. I can't say that I saw any visions or was given over to mysticism, but I did feel a sincere sense of peace throughout the entirety of that week. Fr. Andrew Ricci, rector of the Cathedral in Superior, WI, was the retreat master, and his conferences were quite an experience. Thought-provoking and challenging at times, Fr. Andrew spoke exactly the words that I needed to hear at the beginning of this journey.

Also, having ample time to myself, I picked up a book that I've been very eager to finish (ever since I started it almost a year ago; what can I say? I get distracted easily!). Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul by St. Maria Faustina Kowalksa was stunning to me. The beauty of this saint's experiences with Christ and her profound acceptance of God's will in her life spoke volumes to me in the silence of this week. The holiness that radiated from those pages made me truly want to seek the same depth of relationship with God for myself. God, grant me this grace!

To close, I'd like to share with you a piece of prose written by my newest saintly friend and intercessor, St. Faustina. In it, she communicates with simple words the True Presence and her soul's response to It. May we all take her words to heart and seek the same thing in our lives.

My heart is drawn there where my God is hidden,

Where He dwells with us day and night,

Clothed in the White Host;

He governs the whole world, He communes with souls.

My heart is drawn there where my God is hiding,

Where His love is immolated.

But my heart senses that the living water is here;

It is my living God, though a veil hides Him.